Lilith's Silver Phantushus
This is the journal of a PONY.

Monday, December 10, 2001  


Dear Lady Lilith,

I apologize for my undisciplined behavior. I promise to obey you, Lady, in both the letter and spirit of your instructions and training. Sometimes I am impulsive, Lady Lilith, which gets me in trouble as I act before I consider your wishes as a priority. To avoid impulsiveness, I will listen carefully, and be more attentive to your concerns and will. I need to control my eagerness, too, Lady Lilith. Sometimes I take action without remembering that you hold my reins, and there are limits to my freedom. I can be free from the burden of displeasing you, if I learn to strictly obey, listen carefully, and show discipline in my pony behaviors.

Please forgive me, and allow me the privilege of your loving and watchful training once again.

Your ponyboy,


posted by Silver | 12:41 PM

Thursday, December 06, 2001  


by Phantushus

A good pony needs to have discipline. Discipline is different from obedience. An obedient pony does exactly as commanded, whether by voice or by a pull on the reins. A disciplined pony does more than obey commands. A disciplined pony is better trained to understand what his trainer expects, and shows the intelligence and restraint to not do things that would displease his trainer.

Discipline means doing as trained, understanding the principles of his trainer’s actions. A disciplined pony would not gallop off into the pasture when he knows his trainer expects him to stay close for more training. A cart pony would show the discipline of waiting for his rider’s instructions before trotting off in the wrong direction. Discipline means self-control.

A pony learns discipline by showing restraint, but not being impulsive, and by always keeping the comfort and will of his trainer in mind. Self-control is not passivity, but is the wise use of active restraint. A disciplined pony shows respect by following the practice and training of his trainer.

A pony that is undisciplined needs strict discipline applied by his trainer, to show him what is expected. With proper discipline, a smart pony will quickly learn the self-control that is bound to please the trainer.

posted by Silver | 5:46 PM

Sunday, December 02, 2001  

Origins and beginnings of my new pony life
by Phantushus

Latent ponyhood

Sometimes it takes a while to realize who you really are become at one with your place in the universe. Self-realization took longer than it should for me. Presumably, higher education should make people more aware of themselves and help them more quickly along the way to their natural role. Such is not always the case. I think my extensive formal education, a doctoral degree in psychology, has in fact had the opposite effect, putting me on an intellectual, rational track, and diverting and delaying me from my natural role, that of a ponyboy. I gave up years ago trying to figure out the psychological reasons for my interest in ponyplay. Now it doesn’t matter. I have come accept my ponyhood.

Youthful ponyplay

The journey to becoming a pony has been a long one. Parts of it began with early experiences involving role playing. Being tied up by the Indians, or cowboys/girls was a fun childhood diversion, but slowly I have realized that mild power exchange tapped in me a much deeper reservoir of submissive feelings. Back then being told what to do by a female friend was especially thrilling. And being put in a situation of total helplessness, “all tied up,” was both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. “Stop it (some more)! Release me (tighter please)! were my typical reactions (thoughts) to the adolescent interplay between being “in control” (conventional), and “completely helpless and vulnerable” (unconventional).

As teenagers, we rode ponies on hot summer days, and played pony tag in a grove of cottonwood trees. We rode the ponies bareback. We were bareback too, wearing only jeans to soften the chafe. Ponies gave us freedom and mobility. Ponies gave us their hearts when we needed the extra burst of speed. Ponies knocked us off on low branches, letting us know our place. Riding a pony bareback is a magical relationship of oneness – pony and rider working and playing together, speaking the universal language of caring and mutual respect.

Ponyboy transformation

For me the elements of ponyplay go well beyond the simplicity of childhood roleplaying. Ponyplay is not acting, but rather becoming a pony, and being a pony in the truest sense. Because the journey to ponyspace requires many transformations, it requires the guidance of a caring trainer. Ponyboys love their trainers, and trainers love their ponies.

Transformation Submission and Obedience: Being a pony is learning that your trainer owns you, and knows what is best for you. Real submission means trusting your trainer regardless, knowing that she will not encourage things that are harmful to ponyboys, nor will she discourage the joyful nature of ponies. Obedience is learned of necessity. A pony is pastured often, but when it is time to be useful, training is essential to hone pony skills. Pony skills include learning the trainers ways, , pony manners (no biting or kicking), practicing gaits, and keeping in shape for other pony activities such as riding, cart pulling, and show events. With practice, learning obey as a ponyboy becomes natural and joyful, once a pony releases himself from the human habit of always trying to be in control. Giving up control to the trainer is an exhilarating experience, and frees the pony to learn and practice pony behaviors. I respect my trainer because she will prepare me well for my expected role. Make me YOUR obedient and well-trained ponyboy, My Lady L!

Transformation Ponygear: Like any useful beast, ponies are best trained, controlled and used with the proper ponygear. Ponygear has a level of sophistication above and beyond traditional bdsm leather. Crude bdsm gear is uncomfortable and unsuited for the intimate interaction between pony and trainer. A bitgag with a single strap hardly simulates the fitted bit harness a real pony wears. In ponyplay the more realistic the gear, the better. Ponygear is custom fit, strong yet soft. Good ponygear matches the ponyboy’s personality and role. As a ponyboy I will respect the artistic wishes of my trainer, and help her look far and wide for the appropriate gear. I would not expect my trainer to accept anything but the best, customized to her complete satisfaction. All great pony gear reflects the relationship between the pony and trainer. Work ponies need heavier harnesses, while show ponies are dressed for beauty and entertainment. A real show pony displays both attractive costume and good training. A well-cared-for ponyboy will have a natural desire to make his trainer proud by the way he looks. As a more mature pony, my trainer is outfitting me appropriately, coordinating my salt and pepper hair with a matching tail, and black and silver leathergear. Of course, as my owner, she has the right to dress me to her taste. She says ponies don’t have hands, so hand-hooves, or elbow cuffs will make me a more realistic ponyboy, and more easily controlled. If you think about ponyplay from the human viewpoint, the ponygear is constrictive, transforming, and humiliating. It’s ponygear (and the process of designing and acquiring it) that makes Lady L’s ponyboy!

Transformation Display and Use:

A ponyboy is not just an animal to dress up in expensive gear and keep in the stable. Every trainer, like anyone who would buy a real pony, inspects the animal, tests it’s stamina and condition, and begins to train the pony to its best use. Real ponyplay is the ownership, training, and use of a pony to its full potential. Of course, from the bdsm perspective, exhibitionism becomes an essential element of pony ownership. All trainers expect to display their hard work to those who will appreciate it. Naively I said to my trainer one day, “Won’t people laugh and snicker when they see me prancing like a pony?” “On the contrary,” she replied, “pony people appreciate ponyboys for what they are, and are respectful (and even sometimes jealous) of the intimacy of the relationship between pony and trainer.” As with other bdsm activities, ponyplay is usually only observed by those interested in it themselves, who completely understand the nature of the human equine. What possibly could be humiliating about being trained, groomed, harnessed, and made to perform in front of a community of ponyplayers and ponylovers? From the vanilla human perspective, practically everything would be humiliating about a human equine ponyshow. But from the ponyplay perspective the arena looks differently. Pride, showmanship, and strengthening of relationship between pony and trainer are the emotions that arise at events. Train me hard, and I’ll make you proud at show, Lady L!

The Bottom Line for a new Ponyboy

It took a lifetime to get to this ponyplace in ponyspace. And the search for a trainer who loves ponies has not been an easy one. Now the natural transformation of human to pony has begun, let the ponyjoy begin! Whinneyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

posted by Silver | 6:07 PM